I Hope You Remember Me

I loved you.  I know that you know that, and that brings me some peace.  What keeps me up at night is that I don’t know if you loved me.  I don’t think you do either.

I was sure.  Again, this isn’t news to you, but it makes me happy to know I laid my heart out on the line for you.  You were never left guessing.  I hope you never know the hurt that is being unsure and guessing in love.

I didn’t want to let you go.  You did.  There was no cause for an end, it wasn’t gradual and there was no explosion. There was just a sudden stop, the closing of a door.  I wish that you had shared your doubts and feelings and thoughts with me.  But I know that wasn’t my fault, I know that is something you need to learn.

I have no hate for you.  That’s the worst part, you did nothing wrong, I can’t be mad at you.  I just want to be mad at you.  You continue to be the person I loved.  I loved and still love the real and true you.

I wish you would let me go.  You are moving on but still want to be in my life.  Everyone says they can be friends, but how can I be friends with someone I am in love with.  You aren’t the bad guy, you don’t need to make sure I will be okay.  I am not yours to protect or save or worry about anymore.  This is a choice you made, to separate our paths from eachother, so it is a choice you have to live by.

I will always love you.  You changed my world, you showed me a good and true relationship, you let me fall.  You became a part of me and parts of your heart don’t break off and fall away, they remain.  There will always be a place in my heart that is yours, but as time goes on I need to make that place smaller.

I want you to be happy.  Maybe that’s crazy.  I know it will hurt me as much as it brings me relief, but one day I want you to know love.  I don’t want you to guess or question.  I want you to know how I felt about you.  I wish it could have been me but that hope is now gone and if it can’t be me then you deserve someone amazing to give your heart to.

I want you to feel.  Feel every emotion you have been pushing down your entire life.  Laugh, cry, get angry and get scared.  Most importantly, share those emotions with her.  Get more than surface level otherwise how will you ever fall deeply in love?  Having things in common isn’t everything.  Knowing a person’s entire heart and soul and loving them because of it is everything.  There will be perfect days and there will be imperfect days.  Love isn’t a Disney movie, but it is still amazing.

I hope you always remember me.  Because I will always remember you.  I loved you, and I am happy that I did.